Tuesday, March 31, 2009

How to move quickly through a crowd of children

Ball up your fists and start swinging. Be careful not to actually hit anyone, but keep moving forward, ideally at a run, and yell at anyone who isn't looking. Of course, they'll look and then it'll be their fault for not getting out of the way of your fist. Don't try this in a crowd of adults -- they might start swinging too.

There's something inherently aggressive about bringing your fist/automobile within inches past someone, even if you never hit them or even mean to. When your victims are too small to hold their own or fight back it's borderline psychotic, even if you are in a hurry. They'd lock up a child-stampeder right quick. Is that the only reason you haven't tried it?

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